Wired

I got my Fitbit® yesterday. I'm excited now that I can keep track of my heart rate. I would still need to keep watch on my blood pressure.

I have always been a moderately active person when I was younger (1986 - 1997). There were times I would just sit in front of the computer screen surfing the Internet or replying to emails. There were other times I would play on the guitar, read a book, draw on my sketchbook or work on chores. There were moments where I mostly go outside just to get a breath of fresh air. My outdoor activities comprised of outdoor activities such as cycling, hiking, walking with the dogs, playing badminton with my dad, climbing up rocky hills or trees. When I was in the military, I was mostly stretching, running on the tracks, and aerobics. I realize that as I get older, my body is not used to running anymore. My activity on the computer has become a usual occurrence.

In the past month or so, I've gotten on the Elliptical machine to ease my body in becoming more active than I ever was 2 decades ago. It seems my metabolism has boosted by 5%. I'm so energized after visiting the gym, that it has difficult to wind down and go to sleep.

I usually don't take mirtazapine on the weekends. I don't have to deal with a lot of stress when I'm at home. Cleaning the house is my therapy. The activity that relaxes me the most is either reading a book, playing puzzle games on my phone or watching my favorite YouTubers' video blogs.

It's difficult to stay away from my phone. Even though its white/blue screen is one of the reasons why I'm having insomnia, it doesn't consider the fact that I've been a restless sleeper all my life. I've suffered from insomnia since I was 10. My clinical depression and anxiety has contributed greatly towards it. The other reason for my clinical depression stems from the IUD, my estranged relationship with my mother, the death of my father, my past experiences and my shortcomings.

I know I'm not a perfect person. I should be happy all the time. I feel that without sorrow, I would never have learned patience, empathy, gratefulness, respect and enlightenment. My past is not my destiny. Déjà vu triggers a lot when my mind wanders off to cogitate; especially when I'm learning something new.

Often times I beg myself to get over the depression. I know it sounds easier said than done. I can't shake the notion that the depression I'm experiencing is only superficial. I believe that people need to understand that depression is not a constant battle for me. It comes and goes. The underlying affect of endogenous morphine deficiency changes my mood from time to time. Ever since I was made aware of it, I can recognize when I need to go out and do something fun other than sit in bed all day long and worsen my condition. I also have my husband and daughter keep me in check. I need to consider my daughter's suggestions for activities too.

I'm certainly impressed with this gadget. Maybe in the near future, they would have one that would measure my blood pressure.