I didn't give up on my well-being. I have lessened my consumption of tomatoes, garlic, processed sugar and canned goods.
My weight has plateaud at 130 lbs. Even though my doctor isn't happy that I am still overweight, she has no complaints about my eating habits.
My depression has been manageable for 2 decades now. The Mirtazapine has helped me balance my serotonin levels.
I do suffer panic attacks once in a while. I have noticed it wasn't as often as it used to.
Every great once in a while, interacting with difficult people can send me back from the beginning. It may take me several days to get back up on my feet to move forward.
Interacting with people is inevitable. It can be very stressful at times. More often than not, it can be detrimental to my well-being.
To pique your curiosity, here is an epilogue of where I used to be:
After living with my parents for 20 years, I was always on high alert. The only reason why I enlisted in the Air Force was to learn how to control my anger and the violence that runs in my soul. In that 4 years of service, I learned a great deal about people. There are certain types of individuals who have bought into their own reality (whatever that reality might be - take J.K Rowling as an example), that they are blind to factual information. They will do everything in their power to make you seem delusional, insignificant and a waste of flesh and air. These people are everywhere. I had drawn to the conclusion that if I had the power of Death, I will see to it that they cease to exist from the universe. Even if that means draining their energy from their life into mine.
Then, there are people like my current husband, who gives people the benefit of the doubt. I don't deserve to be with them because they're too good to be true. There are instances where they remind me of who I used to be - the child who loved and cared so much. 15 years of his love, patience and compassion has stilled the violence from the fibers of my being.
It pains me every time whenever an individual decides to reflect their preconceived notions about me.
It's unfair to me and my husband that we have to go through this process of who gets to live or die scenario, time and time again. He doesn't like dancing. I will always be alone dancing with my old self to contemplate whether all this self-healing and self-care are worth the effort.
Even now, just writing this blog has proven that my existence doesn't matter to the world. I only matter to the ones who see me and accept me for who I am.
To whoever reads this, I hope my words have brought encouragement and inspiration to you. To find the people who love and accept you for who you are. The world is damned with so many self-centered, greedy, and powerful pious people who will ensure your individuality is non-existent. Be careful out there. Live long and prosper.
