Firstly, I would like to address to my readers that these are my thoughts in which I need to express before my depression overwhelms me into anxiety. If I have offended you in anyway, let me be the first to congratulate you for taking the time to read this foreword. Brutal honesty is the reason why I'm still alive and well. Maybe, it's a sign that you should start doing the same.
In the world that we live in today, you would think that by now, we have the medical technology to cure all things. Mother Nature knows best. Our world is dying and she is healing the sickness the Earth is enduring - us.
I grew up in a violent environment. I may look calm and collected to you, but I have always been where I have left from - a world full of distrust, selfishness and greed. In the time like today when God's people of Israel are commemorating Passover, I am reminded of the story. Moses implored the people of Israel to heed God's call to stay indoors, cover their doors with the blood of the lamb until the Angel of Death passes over. Thank God, they listened.
I am a germaphobe not only because I fear germs. I don't want to be sick. Yes, I am aware that's a hypochondriac; however, the scale in where I'm at is not even close. I was traumatized as a child. The circumstance wherein I was not able to control my situation haunts me to this day. I do not like the idea where someone healthier has the ability to manipulate me and take advantage of me in my time of illness and invalidity. My fear is not irrational. It has a purpose.
I was raised to always do the right thing and have due diligence in consideration of others. I owe it to my parents, who taught me a great lesson. Listening is part of obedience. In due respect, the logic behind cause and effect draws a dire consequence. One in which may end my life. I chose life despite my desire to end my life whenever the pain becomes too unbearable.
I suffer from Rheumatoid arthritis. I feel the pain in my muscles, my bones, my sinews, my nerves and everything in between. This body of mine fell 10 feet from the air to the ground. It was never the same since. I walk with a slight limp. I didn't become a ballerina because of it. So this so called depression you hear me express my feelings about? It's not that I'm morbidly sad to gain sympathy. I'm depressed because I'm in constant pain no matter what I do. I am rendered powerless to do anything about it. My current doctor thinks I'm a couch potato and I need to exercise more.
Albeit it may be true in some situations, I'm not 100% a couch potato. I'm an outgoing person. I love the outdoors. It's difficult to enjoy being outdoors if I'm in pain all the damn fucking time. As you can now see, my spiraling depression has led me where I am today - Clinically Depressed.
Nevertheless, I have taken steps to improve my mental and physical health. Suffice enough to say, the people closest to me have seen the improvements. I'm still a work in progress.
Growing up with my parents wasn't easy. I was expected to lead by example. I had gone through several moments of my day wondering if I had already washed my hands. Health Science was one of the curricula I had take in school. I would sometimes bleed from having dry skin from time to time. An unfortunate consequence I had to deal with for over washing my hands.
We also learned a lot of things about personal hygiene and the toll of not following through in doing so.
When they got to the subject of sharing, that's when I lost it. I am still paranoid when someone offers me a "clean" towel. The only clean towel I will accept if it is hot, moist and served to me with tongs. I rarely buy clothes from consignment stores. Regardless of how much they bleach the clothes, I'm not getting them. My reason for not doing so, I got infected with fungal parasites when my father handed down his old clothes to me. I had to go through a 3 week treatment for those parasites to die.
I have always carried a travel bottle of liquid soap and hand sanitizer with me; just in case the public rest rooms run of their supply. It has happened to me occasionally when I'm out and about in public places. If your restaurant doesn't have a 99.8 rating, I'm not stepping foot as your patron. After taking my immunizations from the military, I have rarely taken any sick leave. The couple of times that I had to take them was when my daughter had fallen ill. The stomach flu was the worst. At least my digestive system got cleansed that day.
I may have not been alive when the black plague was around. However, I learned it was pretty bad. In the class, we learned about diseases, illnesses and disorders; especially the information on Sexually Transmitted Diseases. It had me think twice about having any active interests in sexual intercourse. I'm grateful for my mother's intuition about when to have my sisters and I vaccinated. I had my shots for
Rubella, Measles, Mumps, Malaria, Polio, smallpox and rabies. I heard my mother telling one of her friends how worried she was when I got sick with the flu. As I was getting better, the doctor assured my mother that I would never get it again.
As I got older and wiser about pharmaceuticals, I have come to realize that there are some medicines worth taking. I understand being weary of vaccines. Believe me, I've witnessed what rubella can do. One of my schoolmates was a survivor of it. She was deaf. She taught me how to sign. I don't remember much since it's been forever since I left
St. George's.
| Always keep yourself clean. Don't be like Pig-pen or the boy who spread his head lice throughout the entire school. It was a good thing my youngest sister had a few strands of hair on her head for it not to be a problem. It's common knowledge that you can never catch a sneeze; no matter how hard you try. So don't be like Heather over there on-ready to catch the sneeze. So when you start feeling that itch on your nose, quickly grab the tissue, cover your face and wait for the sneeze. |  |
|
| I don't have to tell you how far a sneeze can go. All I can tell you is if I can hear you sneeze 26 feet away from me, I'm spraying Lysol in front of me or cover myself in a hazmat suit. Either way, you're one disgusting, selfish, and inconsiderate fucker. |
I don't mind people coughing as long as they're covering their mouth one of several ways: under your shirt, inside your scarf, behind a mask (although I wouldn't advice including your nose in the mask) or tucking your head into your armpit area.
Spitting should be illegal as much as littering. You're basically disposing microbes and bacteria in an unsanitary manner. It's not very charming. |
|
|
| I remember when my parents took me to the market by Kampong Ayer to buy vegetables and meat, there was a farmer who was touching everything with his bare hands. Thankfully, he was selling vegetables. Yet it was daunting to me, that he was indifferent about licking his fingers while counting money to finish each transaction between his customers. When my father paid, he asked me to take the change from the farmer. I cried, screamed and ran away. After my father finished expressing his frustration, I told him I didn't want to touch the dirty money. He made me realize that I could still wash my hand after the fact. Even so, I would still refuse to accept any transaction where I have physically witnessed anyone licking their finger to grab something for better grip. |
When I started cooking at 12, my mother always made sure I never mix the vegetables with the raw meat. Each container were prepared before they were unwrapped from the grocery bag. I get really upset when grocery baggers mix chemicals with my food. It is also unnerving watching sous chefs not changing their gloves after touching raw meat to get to the vegetable station.
I remember when my father took us to the park one day. I saw an empty bottle by the sidewalk. I kicked it away. He barked at me and told me to dispose of it properly. I complained that it wasn't mine. "It's yours now, that you've touched it." I pouted and disposed of the stupid bottle. I never complained again nor did I ever gave anyone grief for littering. I'll just pick it up and dispose of it properly - if I have disposable chopsticks handy. It was a spectacle for my parents. Whether or not they liked it, I knew I was doing the right thing.
I truly haven't changed my hygiene habits when the Novel Coronavirus made its stand against the world. In my case, the government was preaching to the choir. It was another storm just like any other pandemic that struck the world. I've lived through the Mad Cow Disease, SARS, Avian Flu, Swine Flu and the Chicken Pox.
I thought I was the only one in the world who would clean everything I touch; especially while I'm washing my hands. I'd wash the sink, the faucet, the toothbrush caddy, and the counter. I also learned a few tricks on how to clean the bathroom during my training as an Airman Basic at 19. Oh, the things I saw. I could never understand why anyone; especially a woman would leave themselves in an unkempt condition - with all things considered. I had to tell a grown woman (she was 5 years older than I was; had 3 children) that she needed to clean herself properly down there. I get the whole natural and holistic method, but way
before people invented the soap, women used warm salt water. She did neither of those things. "Then don't do the laundry," she retorted. That, was what I did. I cleaned the latrines instead.
| Did you know, that in the Book of Leviticus, Moses gave instructions on how everything should be cleaned as God commanded? I certainly do not go to that degree, but I have a system now when it comes to cleaning my home; and making sure the good animals, also do their part, is immaculate. Spiders are my friends. Although, the ladybugs sometimes become dinner. Ah, well. C'est la vie!
I rarely use chemicals in the kitchen. My counters, stove tops, and kitchen sinks, are always cleaned with hot soapy water. Sometimes with a dash of baking soda and vinegar. The rest of the house, including the laundry are cleaned with chemicals. |
Among other cleaning methods I've learned, apples, onions, and tea bags help remove stains and stubborn dirt from counter tops and baking racks or sheets. Who knew
food could clean things?
Whether or not you have an affinity for cleanliness like Detective Monk, it's still a good idea to do so in order to keep diseases at bay. As far as vaccines go, know what it is first before taking it. When there was a push from the pharmaceuticals to push the HPV vaccines to children ages 10 and up, I was dubious. I was right. No doctor was going to stick an STD in my blood - let alone my own daughter. No, siree Bob! That's a fuck-no. I don't know if that was the reason how my friend from church got
cervical cancer at 14! How? Why? I don't know. They didn't want to talk about it. I understand - I've been there. Getting infected with an STD is devastating. Even after the fact and looking at the statistics, you'll just have to pray to the gods that you don't get the worse ones. Regardless of the
type of STD, the stigma that comes along with it, can be unbearable. Aforementioned, I wasn't sexually active as a teenager. I didn't get involved with anyone sexually until I was 21. I learned that day that the guy I was involved with, had been sexually active since he was 11. The cure was a miracle because the antibiotic was easily accessible. I was relieved; since I was already 2 weeks pregnant when it happened.
I was very happy she came to the world healthy. Now that she's an adult and on her own, I'm worried. People attacking Asians, profiling African Americans and other non-white people participating in reckless or violent behaviors involved with the pandemic.
I have been restless since my father passed away. I am still processing my grievances in my own time since I wasn't given an opportunity to express myself freely. Nevertheless, I am still trying my best to balance the battle within myself and dealing with the world outside and around me. If you see me down in the dumps, just be there for me. It may take me some time, but I'll get there eventually.
In due time when all this is over, I'll be kissing my sorrows good-bye.
